Broken but not broken

Within one year and nine months of relationship, yesterday fight was the biggest, and most painful one. We had fought several times, but this one hurt me the most. The truth is I hurt myself most.

At first I was just simply upset because of her twin, and tired from long trip and less sleeping. I was so irritated and I talked to her about it, I do not expect her to talk to her sister or anything. I just expected her simply understand me and stand by my side. But it was not the way I expected and it made me more upset. That time was on her because things did not turn out as I wanted. She said I was acting so badly to people around me. I was irritated and tired, I did not mean to treat people around me badly but I guess I acted that way.

I tried to be normal after I got back to hotel and taking a nap. I think I was fine after nap but when I talked to her how her sis irritate me, she told me like I was the one who is being sensitive and no understanding. She told me that did I act the same when I went out with others. I just simply wanted comfort from her and some agreements from her telling me that she is on my side, but it was totally opposite and unexpected. I did not know how to react and the only way I know is I do not want to talk with her anymore. I know I act wrong and I expected too much.

This is also the moment that I got to know myself more. I always thought that I was nice and sweet to her, but in reality I was just a selfish and childish person. That was one of my true sides and I am sure she hated that. Furthermore, I hated that. The argument and fight started simply but the more I talked about, the more I could not stop and think things clearly. Moreover, the words lead to the very end of this relationship.

I told her heartlessly to break up and end this relationship because I was so mad and vulnerable. I believe we both said the things that we did not mean and regretted after the words turned into swords and impale till the deepest parts of heart. I thought if someone wants to leave, I could hold the door and wide open for that person but when she left, I knew that I could not do that. I felt empty for the first time. That is the time I knew that I need to get her back.

I am glad that I did and we are still together till now. But deep inside, I feel something is broken, and it is not like before though I felt more stronger about us. Maybe I am overthinking but I feel I have lost a thing between us. I am not sure we can be like before especially when we are in this LDR. Hope this strong feelings can bring us together again.



The bus was not full with people and yet he felt the butterflies once he saw her. He knows there were not many girls could make him feel that way. He forgot the time along with the bus moving. He could not help trying to see her face without she knowing. He tried too many times that she caught him peeking at her couple of times. When the eyes met, he always rolled them away. He also know that he is not taking this bus for long and he would be leaving this city. There is nothing but dead end.

She looked up because she felt that someone was looking upon her. As she expected she caught a two big eyes from a boy, but not so soon, he turned his head away. She thought she was just overthinking, and slide the feeling away. However, after a couple of mins, she felt again that the same boy is gazing her again. She looked up as she did last time and as she expected she saw those eyes rolling out from her.

The bus was passing the stops unexpectedly fast, and the stop where the boy supposed to get off was getting closer. He knew that there would not be an ending because the story was never started. He reached closer to the door of the bus just to get ready and forget those butterflies. Before he got off, he took glimpses her. She looked back and she smiled. She smiled at him when he lease expected.

An innocent smile from a girl can melt take heart of a boy. It was unexpected and he didn’t believe that she smiled at him. He took a glimpse again and she did smile at him. His stomach was upside down at that moment. And the bus was stopped at where he is supposed to get off. He thought about holding back but he knew that there were nothing after. Or maybe he just didn’t believed in himself. Once he touch the ground, the bus took off without even had a chance to say goodbye. He wasn’t believe in fate but this time, he has to leave it into serendipity. If it happens, it will, if not, there is nothing he could complain about.


Diversity Visa procedure

I am living in Japan when I entered DV on 2015 early November with the help of my dad’s friend. I checked the result on May and found out that I won the lottery.

However, I found out that my dad’s friend made a mistake on “Country of Chargeability” which is supposed to be place of birth but it was “Japan”, where I am currently residing now, instead. It was a nerve breakdown time for me knowing that I will be automatically disqualified after knowing I won because of the small mistake on the very first entry. Even though it was 99% surely will get disqualified, I looked up on internet and found a very useful and helpful link called, which is ran by a British guy who won DV couple of years ago, helping the winner. I explained and asked him about the consequence of my mistake and he explained me that since it was in the same region (continent), the mistake is forgivable. The law about that is as follow.

“Errors in Choice of Country of Chargeability:  If the entrant chooses the wrong country of chargeability at the time of the initial entry, the error will generally be disqualifying.  However, if a DV applicant chooses a country of chargeability on the DV entry form that is within the same geographic region (one of the six) as the correct country of chargeability, and you determine that the applicant gained no benefit from his or her error, and there are no fraud concerns, you may continue processing the application using the correct country of chargeability in IVO.  Post may need to obtain additional DV number(s) for the correct country of chargeability from the Immigrant Visa Control and Reporting Division (CA/VO/DO/I), as necessary, via a VISAS FROG message”

So I proceeded the procedure, I submitted my DS-160 form on May 26th. I chose the interview location as “Japan”, since I am currently residing and don’t wanna quit my work and take some risk instead. (Note: the interview location based on the address you filled when you first enter the lottery, which is “Myanmar” in my case). There are pros and cons for not interviewing at your home country as below.

Pros :
1. No need to quit job and go back.
2. Can prove my income and bank statement.
3. I can explain about the mistake on country of chargeability.
Cons :
1.Embassies outside of your home country do not know the Education system or other system such as birth certificate of your home country and it might be some risks.

I found out that my place of birth on passport was wrong on the late . I send my passport to embassy and asked them to correct the mistake. I got my passport back on 6th of June. I mailed KCC to unlock my form on the same day, they unlocked it on 8th. I submitted it again on 10th of June and also explaining about the change of interview location. (Note: You have to mail them that you have change the interview location, otherwise they might not change it for you)


After that my job is basically done, except collecting documents and wait for them to arrange my interview when my case number is current. (Note : every month Visa Bulletin for following month was updated before second week, and interview mail was sent of on 3rd to 4th week)

I got to know that my number is current on since September, but I didn’t get the interview mail from them. So I thought maybe next month, because my delayed submitted and changes I made, plus the interview location. I waited finger crossed. Luckily, I got the interview mail on 14th of October saying that my interview was schedule on December 5th.

I started preparing following docs for my interview.

  1. Birth Certificate
  2. Police Clearance Record (every countries lives after 16 years old)
  3. Medical Checkup (Embassy recommended Physician)
  4. i-138 (Sponsorship)
  5. Bank statement
  6. Education Records (from high school to the last education)
  7. Notarized the docs not in English
  8. Job offer as extra

Remember being over prepared is always better than less prepare. I took medical checkup on November 15th, it is better you can take as close as to your interview since medical record only lasts for six months and visa will be expired once the medical record is.

I sat and interview on December 5th and got my passport back with visa on 8th. You can check out my details interview experience on my another post. Now I am pretty set to take another step closer to US. Preparing this and that would be incredibly tiresome but one step at each and it will be over soon.

If you leave me…

Before you leave, make sure you tell me that you don’t love me anymore looking into my eyes. There is no better reason than that to leave me, plus it makes it a lot easier for both of us.

I might have thought of clinging onto you and begging you not to leave, but instead I would hold the door wide open for you to leave without leaving anything behind except me.

Next, I will pack things belong to you, presents you gave, memories we made together into a box and write your name on put into the corner since it doesn’t belong to the future.

I might unpack and look them for one last time just to remind myself you are gone and you don’t belong to my future anymore.

Oh one thing I could guarantee, I will never look for your shadow again after that, in fact I will do the things I have never done with you before and move on with my life.

I would clear my iPod playlist and put different songs to refresh myself up.

But trust me I won’t blame you for leaving me, instead I would be very thankful for leaving such a beautiful memories sweeter than fictions. Furthermore, I thank you for stopping by.


The one you might leave behind

Repelling thoughts

First of all, RIP to the king of Thailand, and my deepest condolence to the people of Thailand.

Because of this matter, I encountered an experience where my curiosity and humanity collide.

The king of Thailand never came to my interest, moreover, there is nothing I know about him except his existence. Burma, once was ruled by the king and it was fallen once colonized by British army. Since then I have no idea how it feels like to have a king in a country. And yesterday, the king of Thailand passed away and Thai civilians expressed their sorrow over tears and mourn. I started to realized the existence of him but don’t know how it feels. My curious got stacked and looked for an answer on my own by googling and asking Thai friend about it. And she understood my question but she also doesn’t have the specific answer I looked for, in fact, the sadness filled up in her mind.

By that time, I realized why can’t I simply feel bad for them instead of looking answer for my own satisfaction; what is my humanity. The country, the world lost one honored man, and all I am asking here right now is why instead of sympathy on people suffered.

On the other hand, I strongly believe that is right that I have my curiosity and nothing wrong being want to satisfy myself and looking for an answer. I was lucky that I asked a friend who understand my thoughts too. Also realized I shouldn’t have asked that kinda question.

I finalized my thoughts and feelings after I revised my thought and curiosity, the answer was “timing”. Timing was not right, I was so in rush and didn’t think a step ahead or take a step back and think first. I am sure I had encountered same situation before but I didn’t pay attention to it. Hopefully future me can fix the mistakes I made.

A little getaway to the city of Merlion

City of Merlion

Singapore, features with Merlion statue, is the country I visited last week. A country with the size of a city, or maybe even smaller than some big cities in the world, has a lot to offer from culture views to modern age.

As a South East Asian who prefers natures more than nurture, Singapore didn’t attract me as a place to visit. It might be in my list but it wasn’t on the top for sure. Though it is not on the top of my list, there was a reason I visited there. Aside from the reason, here is what I found throughout this trip.


I thought since its “official language” is English and Chinese (Mandarin), I would have no problem with communicating , interchanging with locals there. Well, it was somewhat okay compare to  English unspoken country. However, I need a second to catch up with what they so called “Singlish”, annoyed a lot to me.

Cultures & Places

It is like a tiny world from a movie “Horton Hears a Who!”, everything from Asia is gathered together in a good ratios. A tiny bits of Indian spices, Chinese sweeteners, Indonesian and Malaysian’s natures and so on are well mixed into one. So it is like categorize the cultures and things into bookshelf or in other word, a melting pot. I am sure there are other cities categorize things better than Singapore. Singapore itself doesn’t have much culture or history background but that flaw makes it unique in its own way.


Asian foods are the best for me and Singapore is the place I can try verity range of foods throughout Asia though personally I don’t find Singaporean foods were not as tasty as other countries’. Verities of tropical fruits made my mouth watery, even though freshness of them couldn’t compare with them from origins.

Environment & Weather

My friends were saying I was lucky that there were no haze in haze season. Most of the days I was there were sunny and clear sky. As the trade mark of South East Asian Country, it was hot and humid. Living in Japan for long, couldn’t bear with switching the heat and AC from time to time. Cold and hot in the snap made me sweat and sneeze. The humid made me feel tired so easily, probably my resistance isn’t strong.


The transportation was easy, convenient and as simple as it could be unlike Japan. It would be nice to have a bike to stroll around or renting bike for foreigners would be a good business over there. Cabs are affordable and uber is the another options.


I am not quire sure about that since I stayed in a very neat and comfortable place for FREE. But hearing from my cousin and friends, they mostly rent a place and share with others which obviously mean the housing price are not as cheap as you would encounter in any SEA countries. Maybe the most expensive among SEA.

This is so far I encounter about Singapore. Of course there are facts that I don’t like about it, but hey, it is always better to be stay positive except you know, HIV.

I am trying to write as many as I could but it is hard to find a right word in right sentence. So maybe I will see you again in my another post?

Later alligator!! 

10 more Things I know to be TRUE

So here is the another 10 things after writing first 10 things I know to be true.

  1. Everyone has their own preference or favorite. Even parents cannot love their own kids equally.
  2. If you made a lie, you have to make another lie to cover up the lie you made. And that is never ending lie so better telling the truth.
  3. Sometimes things are better unsaid.
  4.  Not everyone deserve to be treated nicely.
  5. Everything is moving forward and you can’t stand still just because you were hurt.
  6. Airports are always filled with feelings, sad, happiness, excitement, etcetera…
  7. Memories belong to your past, not future.
  8. Being spontaneous will bring you something unexpected.
  9. It is better to have 4 of “a quarter” friends than 100 of “1 penny” friends.
  10. People doesn’t change, they unveil…


  • Resolutions are to be reached but don’t set the resolutions you know that you will never reach from the beginning.
  • Easy to let things go when you accept the fact.
  • Money is not the most important..
  • Rules are made to be broken.